Why Do You Love The Way You Do?
A little intro to attachment styles and a quick recap of the month of love
Today, we close the doors to February, the month of love, adorned with gifts and acts of kindness given out of affection and in celebration of the relationships that bring joy and warmth to our lives.
Valentine's Day, the hallmark of February didn’t disappoint in its share of flamboyant displays of love and affection. The streets of Instagram, Twitter and TikTok were filled with so much love content, that many of us were forced offline to survive the oppression.
Besides superficial social media content, February also brought with it a lot of teachings and lessons shared about love both offline and online.
One such lesson that stuck with me is the impact of Attachment Styles on our romantic, platonic and (even) work relationships. Attachment styles refer to how we connect and relate with people across several spheres of our relationships.
We all develop attachment styles early in life — as early as when we’re toddlers — and they often remain stable over time. Many people face recurrent problems that lead to breakups and conflicts in their relationships, unknown to them that these problems are a result of the habits adopted since they were toddlers.
These insecure habits are synonymous with attachment styles and when left unaddressed they grow into attachment issues. Ever wondered why you’re quick to become jealous and clingy or maybe you always find yourself withdrawing from a relationship once it becomes too emotionally intimate. These are signs that you need to develop self-awareness by identifying and resolving your insecure attachment issues.
But, just like every habit, you need to understand how insecure attachment develops and influences your thoughts, actions and feelings across the different relationships in your life. Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby proposed that the connection formed with your primary caregivers in childhood significantly shapes your social, intimate, and professional relationships later in life. Essentially, this initial attachment lays the foundation for how you form and perceive relationships in adulthood.
The four main attachment styles that can develop in childhood based on interactions with caregivers are:
1. Secure: Children with secure attachment feel safe and confident in their caregiver's availability and responsiveness. They are able to explore the world knowing they have a secure base to return to. They grow into adults who have a positive view of themselves and others. They are comfortable with intimacy and independence, can seek support from others when needed, and can provide support in return. Securely attached individuals generally have healthy and stable relationships.
2. Anxious-Preoccupied: Children with this style often worry about their caregiver's availability and may cling to them anxiously. They seek reassurance but may still feel insecure. People with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often worry about their relationships and seek constant reassurance from their partners. They may fear rejection and abandonment, leading to clingy behaviour and emotional ups and downs in relationships.
3. Avoidant (Dismissive): Children with avoidant attachment may seem independent and self-reliant, avoiding seeking comfort from their caregiver even when distressed. They may appear emotionally distant. Adults with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to value independence and self-sufficiency. They may avoid intimacy and emotional closeness in relationships, preferring to rely on themselves rather than seek support from others.
4. Disorganized (Fearful and Avoidant): This attachment style is characterized by a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviours. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment may desire close relationships but fear getting hurt or rejected. They may struggle with trust and have difficulty managing emotions in relationships.
Understanding these attachment styles can help you observe how you interact in relationships and cope with intimacy, trust, and emotional challenges.
To find out your attachment style, click here.
Now moving on from love-related matters, here’s a run down of our top stories at the Baseline over the month of February.
5 Medical Personnel discuss Nigeria’s Healthcare Challenges and Measures for Improvements
The Nigerian healthcare system faces severe challenges, evident in frequent incidents resulting in avoidable deaths due to inadequate facilities and government support. Five healthcare professionals in Nigeria discuss these issues and suggest measures for improvement in this article, highlighting the urgent need for a revitalized healthcare system.
Dr. Osinusi Ifeoluwa Bsc, MB; BS - Medical doctor had this to say:
“The life expectancy of an average Nigerian is 55 years. This means the average Nigerian may never see his/her 56th birthday. This is abysmal especially when compared to other countries where life expectancy can be as high as 85 years. This isn’t surprising as The Nigerian government historically hasn’t shown enough interest in the health sector of the country which has clearly impacted the life expectancy of her citizens, as life expectancy is highly dependent on how strong the health sector of a society is …The Saudi Royal Family visited University College Hospital, Ibadan (UCH) during the golden age of the 60s, showcasing the potential for a robust healthcare system that not only cares for its citizens but also generates forex and improves the economy,” he said.
Film Review: Pumzi by Wanuri Kahiu
Lessons on Climate Change from the science fiction short film
Pumzi, the Swahili word meaning “Breath” is a Kenyan science fiction short film that tells the story of Asha, the curator of the Virtual Natural History Museum, in a dystopian, afro-futurist community in East Africa. The film explores themes of climate change, environmental stewardship, and the loss of freedom in a highly controlled society.
Pumzi is a beautiful film that is both thought-provoking and entertaining. It argues that environmental stewardship defends the fundamental freedoms we enjoy.
A key takeaway from this movie review should be the urgency to join the fight against climate change. If you're a Nigerian, and the recent heat hasn't cleared your ears…
Well, I hope and pray for your life.
Click here to read the full story.
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